Category: Uncategorized

Age?

So age is a number? Is it? you can’t vote in the UK till your 16, you can’t drink in the US till your 21, and the age of consent in Japan is 16. So many things that you are “not allowed” to do until a certain age, and all you want to do is get to the age to be able to do them.
Forget the freedom being 12 years old brings. Still living with the family, not paying any bills, being able to eat whatever you want with out having to pay for the shopping. Yep 12 was good.

Before I left home I used to buy all sorts of gadgets and gizmos that I can not now afford without saving and it’s not for lack of money. Well it is. Just now my money has to go towards bills and overheads before I can even consider the gadget. Before I consider the gadget though I have to think about the essentials such as something to fix the car, or those new shoes you need as the current ones are falling apart at the seams. Oh to be 12 again.

Voting, smoking, sex, drinking, driving, just some of the things that are set to an age. None of these things are really cool as I once thought. Driving is cool I guess but it’s mostly to get me from work and back, but things like drinking its ok if you have a drinking partner or friend, but drinking alone not so much fun. Smoking well this was a ‘Fad’ back at school I guess it’s now vaping, if you were the kid smoking on the corner before, during and after school you were cool. You didn’t see the damage it was doing and you definitely didn’t see how hard it would be to quit if you wanted to.

Before I was 16 I had freedoms, so many that are a luxury now, the small things, such as being able to go out and just play on the summer holidays without having to book annual leave for time off work. The freedoms of childhood are thought of as often children learning and being incapable of responsibility, though being “adults” can be just as irresponsible.

I got myself into debt
I got drunk and became very ill
I got angry and lost my friend
I voted for the wrong party
I took the job abroad

So many things that a single person can be responsible for, and so many reasons all compound to make them happen, but the sole responsibility is more than often the individual adult, just not learning or having no impulse control or just being irresponsible.
Don’t despair.

I am learning as are you just like when we were children the difference is we have to think twice before we do if we have the foresight as well, things can get bad if you don’t.

Things I’d love in life now are very different.

I want to own a home
I want to be able to pay my bills
I want to be able to afford the shopping
I want to know who to vote for, for the better

Most of all;
I want someone to tell me when to stop spending so no debt occurs

So whilst I always wanted to have the freedom as an “ADULT” what I actually wanted was the freedom to live a happy life and for me that is with my partner, free of debt, and able to afford those small luxuries, whilst being able to pay for the shopping. It’s now a game of teamwork, give and take, learning and keeping each other in check.

“Team work makes the dream work”

I understand this is not applicable for everyones life, and thats ok.
If you do want some help or advice then just ask, me, your friend, your family, your carer, your social worker, your foster parent, your teacher, Anyone who you feel Safe talking to.

Self Esteem. A funny thing. It’s so easily lost and so hard to gain. It often pairs I think with confidence, but more so confidence in yourself. A lot of the time self esteem is linked to your personal mental health, some thrive, some get by, and others struggle, it’s ok no matter what your level of self esteem is.

Why write about self esteem when I am doing just fine. Well I wasn’t always. I struggled so much throughout my entire life as it ebbed and flowed. My youth I was on the lower levels as I never did anything to help gain it, at least until I started doing karate. Which for me was a way to gain confidence in myself, my abilities and my fitness levels. By my late teens my self esteem was thriving and I needed no more encouragement. This followed on into my young adult life too. But I hit a road block.

The Coronavirus/Covid 19 pandemic, meant I lost it all. I had none left. I didn’t even want to go to work, leave the house or talk to anyone. I shut myself away. Was this the best thing to do no, but what does one do when you live alone and are basically under house arrest for the better part of a year or two.
I will never get to those confidence levels as I had as a young adult. I just can’t be as physically active anymore and have the image I once had, but I can and am learning to accept the new version that is me.
The version of me that allows myself space to not be ok with something, the knowledge that I can’t bring myself to do something just yet, but maybe in the future I will. I’m ok with that.
My self esteem is at the point where it is stable enough for me to live my life with enough confidence that I can go out again, talk to people, be wrong, try new things, be ok with limitations, and just generally understand I am not perfect at everything and I never will be.

But what about yourself. Well there’s no instant result thats for sure.
If you’re looking for the answers the best person to turn to is yourself.
Ask yourself what did I do on the day I felt great that one time and why? That time I got that really good result why did I feel amazing about it? When I felt loved that time what do I need to do to get that same connection again?

Things that make you feel great, things that make you feel like you can do it, things that help you not get out, that walk around the park, that internet chat room (be careful with these), the mental health support line maybe. They all can point you in the direction of building your own self esteem.

There is one key thing to remember!
It is a slow process and you will fail but you will get up and try again and again until you make it. So just go for it!

Do you have green fingers (the ability to grow things) I didn’t think I did, but recently I tried my hand at it again and found things can grow as long as I am persistent and follow some sort of guide.

I used to kill any plant I touched even if it was flourishing before it was in my hands, but now I did some research on Google of various things like types of soils, best time to sow seeds, or what is the best positioning for plants. So far I have grown Strawberries, potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, and many new plants like mint, lavender and dwarf Iris’s!

All I have done is put some effort into making sure they were planted properly, and fed well with the right kind of soil. It was just down to making sure they were watered and had just enough light. That and perseverance of watering and occasionally pruning them.

You have to make sure you’re prepared and you can’t just grow anything at any time so make sure to do your research. If you want potatoes to grow throughout the year don’t sow them at the same time, find different varieties that produce at different times of years. Research, Research, and I say it again Research!

2024 growing season for me is just starting and we have our plans set. This year the aim is to use the front garden as a small allotment, which will grow Carrots, Onions, Potatoes and as well continuing to grow strawberries and other fruit/ veg in our greenhouse.
This year is the first year I have had a formal plan, but I feel unless you know everything about growing it will be key to the success.

I like to keep my posts short and sweet so they can be quick reads, which hopefully encourage you or help you in some way. Or just show you my opinion in the world. One of many opinions.
If this helped or got you out in the garden, maybe you started a herb garden on your kitchen window well done and keep it up.

I like reading when I am in the mood and some books just catch my interest, but often I find some parts of books more engaging than others and struggle to remain engaged at other points.

The Hobbit by J.R.Tolkien was one such book. I had always wanted to read the books after watching the movies, but I didn’t want to start with The Lord of the Rings. So I tried starting with The Hobbit. It’s a smaller book I can get trough it easier I thought. Little did I know that the first chapter would take me over a year to get through. The second I got to the end of the first chapter I was hooked and read the remainder of the book within a week.
I then continued reading through to the series without issues.
What did this book give me as a person. Well not much, but it did let me get away from the world, and fully engage in a world of imagination. Most of all it was a goal and I successfully completed it.

Harry Potter by J.K.Rowling. Yes I am that generation where the books were out before the films were made and I got to read them before. And the story was one which brought a lot of freedom into my world. It meant I could imagine magic things happening and make things weird and wonderful all at the same time. It meant I loved the world of making entertainment so much It would become my career. I Still to this day love making movie magic happen on a stage leaving the audience wondering how it happened.
Plus this was the first book series I ever completed which for me was a great feeling of pride.

Write all after your bathroom mirror by Christopher J. Williams. This is actually a mental health or self help book as I have had struggles with my own health and I couldn’t work out how to deal with the issues I was facing. This helped me to find a way to remind myself it was ok and I could express myself. I didn’t write all over my bathroom mirror as I didn’t have one and I am in a rental, so I put post it notes on my wardrobe instead. They are still there as a gentle reminder that is ok and I am allowed to feel the way I do about things.
This is part of a series of books on the https://llttf.com website which is a free service in Suffolk, but can be accessed by anyone. You can request help to assist you through the books and course too if you like.

I have read many books, but I don’t always read. I read when I am in the mood and that is enough for me.

Share you favourite books and maybe give me some inspiration on what I might like to read next.

Your parents name you most likely, but do you like your name? What do you do if you don’t?

Names are how we identify who is who. Right. Everyone is given one and often parents will have something they love in mind for their child. They don’t think about if the name is right for the child’s personality.

My name was given to me by my mother. Vicky. Simple and straight forward. It’s not short for Victoria it is just what it is. For me my name is perfect, because I fell like I match my name because I am just what I am. I can’t be anything but that.
Though I often have to explain it is just as it is and not short for Victoria which gives me a whole different level. In my opinion that is. That and I just really like my name.

What about names how are they structured?
Well in the UK we go by our first name or a hyphenated name such as Elizabeth-James. And then end with our family name. Smith for example.
Other cultures can and are different. Some choose a name instead of their given name such as Naomi instead of Rhuji and others may use their middle name instead of the first name that appears.
I’ve found it’s just polite to ask now days how some one wants to be addressed and if I’m addressed wrongly to not get wound up by it because people make mistakes or are set in habits they were raised with and habits are really hard to change.

So you don’t like your name? Don’t identify with your given name? What then?
Well if you’re a minor then normally you have to discuss this with a family member and/or a psychiatrist. If you are an adult you can change it legally if you want to.
People can dislike their name for many reasons. They do not identify as a male, female or are gender fluid, or maybe non-binary for example. Some may simply just feel like they don’t suit it.

So how can you overcome this dislike for your name?
Maybe you just need to reinvent yourself or think about your name with different connotations. Maybe you do have to to change it legally to something that could be both masculine and feminine. Though if you have a female name and identify as male maybe you change it to the masculine version if there is one or change it to a name you feel comfortable living with.

The fact is names are simply how we identify as individuals. They do not create our identity only we as humans can do that and only we as humans can be accepting of that.

I’d like to make sure that anyone who reads this is aware that I am free to express my opinion and if it does not align with yours I apologise. If I have not understood something properly and incorrectly writing about a subject then please feel free to contact me and explain your point of view. I am always open to a discussion, but that is what it will be, a polite discussion.

I am one individual who happens to like her name and identifies as the gender she was born as, but my overall opinion will always be you are all human no matter what you identify as or like to be called.

Today has been a demanding day and you’re stressed, worn out and just want to forget about everything that happened. You know you’re going to end up ruminating on it or dreaming about it which is just going to bug you. So how do you unwind?

I guess you first have to try and identify what is causing you the stress and exhaustion. Is it something specific or is it just something simple. Maybe you just can’t quite pinpoint the problem.

It’s ok.

Ask yourself this question can you do anything about it? No then forget about it. If the answer is you can and you’re just going to keep ruminating about it then deal with the cause of your stress. Let’s hope that helped and your feeling better just from that.

However we all know it doesn’t work like that.

So how to unwind? That all depends upon the individual. Some people may love cars and digging into an episode of top gear or a episode of their favourite you-tuber is the thing that helps them unwind, but that is not everyones cup of tea.

Some people may prefer binge watching their favourite TV show, a spot of gardening, a nice cider, indulging in some comfort food, a nice cup of tea, there are so many ways to unwind.

So what can help you unwind?
Try something new or do something you love. Only you know you and sometimes if you have someone by your side who knows you better than you they can help you to unwind and just start enjoying life again.
For example a bad day, nothing is going right and everything just seems so difficult, but you planned to do things at home. Well maybe staying at home is the problem, and going out for the day is a better option. Drive to nowhere, drive to a beach or forest and take a walk, go on an adventure to some place new.
If you don’t drive take a walk around somewhere you haven’t for a while, or go to a place you love but haven’t been for a while.

In today’s world which relies so much on people paying for everything there is still a lot of things that are free to do. Your local park may have a fair on. Check out the local church halls or community centres they too have free or cheap events that are for all ages. You might be able to go further and pop to a forest or nature reserve maybe go to the beech.

The key to this is just do anything that is worth your time and that will make you enjoy life a little. You may have to do multiple things, but do it and really try to push yourself in the direction of forgetting your troubles and just enjoying the moment.

What is Negativity? We all know someone or have been negative at some point. It’s having an outlook that is not positive and has a bad outcome, or just speaking badly of a subject or person. Right?
What’s your definition?

So is it contagious. I think so.

Working or being around a group of people for a long time can influence your outlook and mood. I could walk in to work somedays and be in the happiest and most joyous mood, only to find myself hating everything not half an hour later due to every interaction I come across being negative. Why I ask?

I can make a guess that it depends on your personality. My personality is very subjective of those around me. I always want to make people happy and try my best to do so, but then I also feed off the mood or “energy” of the room. If everyone is having an off day then I will probably feel lower than I would like to.

How can I avoid it? Thats the question because so far I haven’t. I have struggled around negative people and even wake up negative some days after a really bad day or knowing I am going into a negative environment.
The problem is you can’t avoid these situations so it’s all about how you manage it.

How do I manage it? I tend to let everyone else be negative and work on maintaining a calm be it avoiding a situation or ‘leaving the room’ when it becomes too much or just engrossing myself in a little aimless Facebook scrolling for a distraction.

How to stand up to a negative person? another good question that I do not know the real answer too. I want a positive outcome and always try and point out the positives of a situation, but sometimes you do need to let the negative people just let it all out before you can get any response to your attempt at positivity. Just keep trying is my answer. It will not always work, and sometimes you will fall in the negativity yourself, but always try and rise above it and think before you speak.

How do you respond to negativity?

Spring is about have you got your gardening gloves or those DIY hands ready. What’s your spring routine? The cleaning of the house, a clear out, garden makeover, pruning, that new water feature, or maybe those DIY projects you can now get outside to.

Hibernating in winter for me is a thing as I do not like the cold. So spring for me is all about being able to get out in the garden and doing those garden jobs, but also doing those DIY projects. 

This years first DIY project was making a garden table from a cable drum, which was stained to be a deep brown, but still has no chairs so that’s my next project when i find some material. 

I’m all about finding materials for free or second hand if I can. This cable drum came from an old electrical project from an electrical company. I also had some bits around the house like stain and some wood to make the drum more stable. The plan is to find some wooden stumps to try make some chairs with them. 

I also like to multitask and do some of those garden jobs. Pruning and cutting back the bushes and borders. They don’t look after themselves. 

That just leaves the house really which is something I try and tackle but it’s not as fun so I struggle to gain the motivation to do so but I just keep trying to do a little at a time. Which is the most sensible way to do it. If I tried doing everything at once I’d achieve nothing so a little at a time and of course one thing at a time. 

What do you like to do for spring?

What is being free? Free from debt, free from poverty, free from danger. All of the above right. But what does it mean to be free mentally and physically? For me it means being able to be content, happy, and comfortable with my life choices alongside my ability to just be me.

So if being mentally free is all those things why is is it so damn hard to achieve? Simple answer is I’m an over-thinker and a helper. I love helping people even if it means being disliked for that help, but then because I over think I can’t help hate that my help came at a cost of me being disliked and spending hours picking apart every little aspect of conversation I had or thing I did to help that person wondering if there was any other outcome to be achieved. Over analysing it step by step.

How do you over come that? Truth is I’m still working on it and always will be. I ask myself a question “am I going to ruminate over it?” if the answer is “no” then I can let it go but if the answer is “yes” then I need to address it. By addressing it I mean maybe having a conversation with someone about how you feel about that interaction or anything that can help me feel better about the situation and stop ruminating on it.

Being free is so much more and different to the individual. For me it’s all about the question I mentioned above. Can I be happy with it or not? If I can be happy with my choice of outfit, my choice of food, my choice to not do the dishes then I am free. I can manage the day.

Physical freedom is all about the physical things like money, your relationships, your life choices and living circumstances. For me I have freedom in most of these areas and the one I have struggled with is money for many years. Over the Covid pandemic I managed to get myself into debt like a lot of others probably and it got me down both mentally and physically so I was not free. I was trapped.
It took a lot of determination and help from ‘StepChange Debt Charity’, friends, family and my partner to be able to work towards being more in control of my finances so much so that I am now able to enjoy my life again.

Enjoying my freedom. This is all I want to be able to do. It’s what everyone truly aims for in life or so I think.
For me its being able to learn to drive without worrying about how I’m going to pay it off, but that means I can dream of the freedoms that will bring me like the ability to travel anywhere in the country without the cost of trains or buses, it means I can visit my partner, family and friends whenever I want, it means I can work as a freelancer and go to the jobs that have no public transport.
What else does living my freedom entail, well I guess it means I don’t have to worry about the little things as much as I used to have to. I know I will be able to feed myself, I know I will be able to save for that game I wanted, I know I will be a able to buy new clothes for work or as a treat.

Do I have to be sensible and and not let my freedom get carried away? Yes!

If I let myself get carried away as I did over the Covid period then I will be putting myself back into the trap I was in and for me that means my mental health suffers too. For me that is not an option and I will do everything I can to maintain a sense of freedom and balance to my life.
I still have so much to gain in life and so much more I need to do and achieve and I really want to be able to do it without being trapped.

Comment below if you want to share what freedom is to you.

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